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Yes you are reading that correctly.  Deceased, expired, passed away.  No more continues and the airbrushed t-shirts are already being made in a kiosk at Ford City.

Maybe that was a bit harsh, but it sounded so much cooler than “Yes, Melanin Brooks is selling out!”  Doesn’t have the same ring to it.  Anyway fuck the funny gifs, and “Nerd Alley” and the biting wit….you won’t be finding it here anymore.  What will you find in it’s place you ask?  Great question!

  • nigga shit
  • nigga shit
  • nigga shit
  • nigga shit
  • nigga shit
  • some gossip shit
  • some shit you seen on the innanet 200 place before
  • mo’ nigga shit
  • someone ass being kicked
  • nigga shit on a horse
  • frontlaces
  • Fake Jordans
  • And a few surprises.

I’m taking this blog towards it’s destination of being the next MediaTakeOut/Worldstarhiphop!  Bringing you the latest news on people you’ll give a fuck about in five years.

Now I now this change in format will alienate many of my readers *Gillie Face* (no more gifs…I’m not playing.) But I feel this is the proper move for progress.  The domain name will remain unchanged.  Because I’m too lazy to come up with something new.

In closing, I hope you all will support the new Incredible Tangent Man, just as you have the old….or continue to disregard as most of you have been doing already.

I am a sad case.  A poor excuse for a man.  Melanin Brooks is a gamer, but you knew that already if you’ve been reading.  I am a hairy palmed, basement dwelling, Hot Pocket devouring gamer.  I bathe in the light of my flatscreen, and the blood of the noobs I just pwned in Call of Duty.  Girlfriend? Who has time!  Between clan matches and practice for clan matches & shit talking before clan matches….you get the idea.  Besides, women don’t pay me any mind.  I’m forever alone, fapping till my wrists give out.

I almost kept a straight face typing that bullshit up there.  So honestly ladies what’s the fuss?  Why do some you feel we aren’t worthy to date, marry or fuck?

Do you fear that you’d have to compete with games for attention? That phrases such as “Baby, just one more game” and “I’m almost at a save point” will become commonplace? Date nights will be reduced to DiGiorno’s and Wii Bowling? Do you fear the day that he’ll prefer the bosom of John Madden to yours? And when you can finally convince him to have sex with you, he’ll call out Lara Croft’s name instead of yours?

They say there’s no romance without finance. From what I hear they don’t take rupees at Red Lobster. There will be no wining and dining from a gamer. We’ll spend every cent of our allowance (we’re irresponsible and immature after all right?) buying the latest and greatest consoles. While your girlfriends console you on your ain’t shit boyfriend. No money to go out, no money for gifts just because. He’s too busy tricking off on that Zelda bitch to pay attention to you.

I know what else you’re thinking…that he’ll only know how to finger analog sticks.  The only joystick he’ll maneuver helps him with Mortal Kombat and the only thing that will explode in the bedroom is a semtex grenade hurled during a game of team deathmatch.  The only hot ass he’ll think about is rode by John Marston.

Let’s be honest, I could replace gaming with sports, cars, “the studio” and the potential for failure would be exactly the same.  It’s a hobby, a way to unwind after a long day.  Do you see gaming as  childish?  A time waster?  If you watch Basketball Wives and/or Real Housewives of West Bubblefuck…you can’t say shit about maturity, or time wasting.

The numbers don’t seem to look good for you either.  According to the ESA (Entertainment Software Association) 72% of households play games.  That means there’s an almost 3 out of 4 chance that you become a cat lady.  Oh snap, you may have to cut off some of your girlfriends too child! 42% of all women will pick up a controller from time to time. (All statistics can be found here)

Unlike Bigfoot, Playable Luigi in Super Mario 64 and Jay-Z’s Illuminati ties, the dateable gamer is not a myth.  Are there some that perpetuate the stereotype? Definitely, but they do not make up the majority.  I can balance my time with games and the time spent with my girlfriend.  Hell I’m lucky enough to be able to combine the two every once in a while.  A controller and some friendly smack talk can bring a couple closer. I know when it’s time to power down.   When she gives me the look, watch me drop that controller faster than Mario slides down a flagpole (editors note: *PAUSEEEEEEEEEE*)  As an additional  bonus you won’t have to wonder where your man is if he spends a good majority of his spare time on the sticks.  Where was I last night? LIBERTY CITY!

I’m not changing for anyone, period. I’m a gamer, and we’re the shit.

whos.amung.us

Abandon all hope ye who attempt to sign into the Playstation Network! For thou shalt rage, oh yes, you WILL rage.  The dust rises wraith like from the Playstation 3’s once alive jet black shell. The sobbing of fanboys nestle in your ears, songs of torment & boredom. A hellion, donning a Kaz Hirai mask follows you along the path mocking with every step.

“Where is your Kevin Butler NOW fanboy?”

“Lair? That game sucked ass.”

“RIIIIIIIDGGGE RACERRRRR!”

This is a horrible, horrible place…this place is now your dwelling. Unable to leave until the great server in the sky has be reborn! Yea it will be a sanctuary whence no hacker can put asunder. Believe it brothers & sisters BEEEEELIIIEEEVEEEE!

Or, you can just trade in your PS3 for an XBox.

I think this is jumping the gun.  Abandoning a system, which is still quite alive and well, because a few hackers wanted to be assholes.  It’s been almost a month since the attack and people are itching to camp with the ghost perk in Black Ops (Not me) or rip out someones insides in Mortal Kombat.  What I’d like to ask the fanboys is: What happened to the undying loyalty you had for the Playstation?  The war of words you would have daily with other nerds about how superior your system is over theirs.  The battle of  exclusives, and the death of needing multiple discs.  You (and probably the rest of the world) LOL’d at the demise of the HD-DVD.  Probably even bragged about how awesome Six-Axis was…while the rest of us forget it exists most  of the time.  The honeymoon just ended, and in the settlement, Gamestop gets half.

This mass exodus is surprising.  The PS3 is far from a dead console.  Does no one play single player anymore?  This outage has been the best thing to happen to my backlog!

And the online thing…I had a 360 before it was cool to trade in your PS3 for one.

What happens when the PSN goes back online?  Do you flip your flag again, or will you pull a Newt Gingrich if the shit hits the fan again?

Fuck it, just buy both.  You’re missing out if you haven’t already.

Sellouts.

Skyzoo: The Definitive Prayer

You can’t put Skyzoo and “up and coming” in the same sentence any longer.  I’ve been a fan of Sky since “Cloud 9: The 3 Day High.”  I discovered him at a time where I was picking up everything that had 9th Wonder production (sounds Stannish I know,  good music is addictive.)  Browsing YouTube, I ran across “Way to Go” and I’ve been a fan of dude since.

Enough talk, “The Great Debater” drops June 7th. In the meantime, listen to Sky carve up David Axelrod’s “Holy Thursday.”